Google Gets Its Goat(s)

As it turns out, Yahoo! (Nasdaq: YHOO)
went the goat route to maintain its lawns years before Big G followed
suit. As frugality meets corporate environmentalism, this sort of
scenario may become increasingly common in the years ahead, which led
me to envision these five fantastic scenarios. Someday, they may be
budget-cutting measures from the Fortune 500; for now, they're at least
good for a chuckle.

1. Wal-Mart (NYSE: WMT)
   employs fireflies to light stores. Handily trumping rival Kmart's "blue
   light special," the retailing giant continues to prove its commitment
   to slashing costs. This time, it really catches lighting in a bottle!
   Sam Walton would be so proud.
2. AT&T (NYSE: T) partners with Campbell Soup
   to launch the first global "Tin Cans and String" communications
   network. The move shows both companies' sensitivity to the ailing
   economy and their dedication to a truly "wired" world. Additionally, a
   whole new secondary market emerges for used chicken-soup cans.
3. General Electric's (NYSE: GE)
   CNBC abandons the use of guest analysts in favor of blindfolded chimps
   and dartboards. Amazingly, viewers report an immediate increase in
   their investment returns.
4. General Motors (NYSE: GM)
   patents the hamster-cage induction motor. In a last-ditch effort to
   stave off bankruptcy, GM enrolls an army of furry friends to power the
   engines of tomorrow. GM further announces plans for a V8 squirrel
   edition by 2011.
5. Netflix enlists carrier pigeons to speed home deliveries and offset future postal rate increases. Inspired by FedEx's Super Bowl ads, Netflix secures a flock of messenger birds to wing the newest DVD releases into viewers' mailboxes. Amazon.com (Nasdaq: AMZN) quickly counters with free eagle shipping.

Copyright © 2008 Universal Press Syndicate.