Money Matters, Simplified.
Spouse Lying About Money? Here's Why
Financial infidelity can cause as much harm to a marriage as sexual infidelity. Read on to find out the reasons why people become financially dishonest.
Mon, 01/31/2011 - 17:04 by Sandhya Joseph
Overspending without your partner’s knowledge can drive your marriage to disaster. Everybody lies occasionally about the way they spend their money. But this can drive a marriage towards disaster if one constantly overspend without your partner’s knowledge and consent.
Tips to Recover from Financial Infidelity
Here are the steps you need to take to rebuild the relationship.
-Get help if your actions have put your family’s financial health status in jeopardy. Hire a professional who understands money and a create financial recovery plan.
-Let your partner have access to all information about bank accounts, credit card statements, tax records and insurance documents.
-Be prepared to face your partner’s anger and disappointment.
-Consider couple therapy.
Here are reasons why spouses are dishonest about money.
Fear
Sometimes one partner fears that the marriage might not last. In this case, the primary income earner might begin to stash away his/her hard earned money in secret bank accounts or off shore holdings because he/she simply does not want the other spouse to end up with half their hard-earned money.
Sometimes the stay at home spouse might fear that the working spouse might dump them in favor of some younger or better looking. They then begin to stash away money to prepare for this eventuality.
Emergency Fund
One partner in the marriage might be an impulsive spender who believes in the “living in the moment” philosophy and wants to take life as it comes.
The other partner might be the financially cautious kind who wants to save for a rainy day. The couple might be unable to agree upon mutual investment goals. In this case the cautious partner begins to secretly stash away money in an emergency account.
The intention is for the family to have something to fall back on, should they ever get into a crisis situation.
Financial Independence
Some people maintain a secret stash because this allows them to feel like they are financially independent and accountable only to themselves, and that marriage has not clipped their wings and taken away their spending choices.
Financial infidelity is an immature way of trying to retain a sense of individuality and autonomy.
Controlling Critical Spouse
Sometimes one partner gets too dominant and wants absolute control over the family purse strings. He/she might expect the other spouse to seek permission before making any purchase, no matter how small.
If a purchase is made without proper approval being given, the dominant partner becomes critical and judgmental. He/she can resort to giving the “erring” spouse the cold silent treatment.
The passive partner begins to feel suffocated and annoyed at having to seek approval always, and begins to maintain a secret stash to meet his/her small shopping needs.
Family Needs
One may also maintains a secret stash to help parents or other family members who are in debt or have been laid off.
Addition
People hide money from their partners to fuel their gambling, drug, alcohol or sex addictions.
People stash money from their spouse for a variety of reasons and lie about it. But when they are caught, their partners feel stupid, disappointed and betrayed.
